But before I go too far, I feel like I need to give some background. Over 25 years ago, events in my life started to dismantle some of my dearly held beliefs about religion, money, government and marriage in particular. To be brief and without going into specifics, I came to the realization that all is not as it seems and that there seems to be an undercurrent of a power and control agenda running all over the planet. Although, I don't think I knew this consciously at the time, I did come to realize a certain necessary flexibility in my beliefs, because the old rigid ways were not working anymore. I had been, with clenched fists, holding onto beliefs that helped me make sense of the world and define who I was. My beliefs, up to that point, gave me a sense of security within myself that gave me a sense of confidence and helped me develop a positive mental attitude (PMA) about all aspects of life...at least that's what I kept telling myself. There was still this yearning for some other piece of the cosmic puzzle, that I would deny and stuff within myself in order to get through the business at hand, which was paying the bills and raising a family.
After major life events like... the birth of my children, changing jobs, moving to another part of the country, divorce, changing religions, marriage, a car accident, etc., the core of my perspectives on life and my beliefs changed. Also, whenever I am presented with new information or gain new insights from reading, watching a movie, therapy, or prayer and meditation, my beliefs change. Change can be a very unsettling and insecure feeling. But I've realized over the years that it is not such a bad thing. The feelings of insecurity have been the gateway to discovering what REAL security is, and as importantly, what it isn't.
But I feel these new insights and perspectives are encroaching into my realm of belief to help me consciously evolve. In other words, God is asking me to adopt a new belief system and step up my game. When that happens, a new hologram of belief seems to get imprinted on me to carry me through my everyday life in order to fully integrate and embody it.
To be more specific and give you an example, a sense of security has been intertwined with financial security, in the American culture particularly. Most of us, myself included, find that when we are short of money and are having difficulty making house payments or putting food on the table, get this sick, anxious feeling in the pit of our stomachs and start to worry about where the money's going to come from to take care of these basic needs of survival. Sounds pretty normal, right? Our tendency in this situation is to figure out ways to get the money to pay for these things. Most often, we figure out a plan to pay our way through it or out of it, and the feeling of insecurity subsides until the next time it happens, and we repeat the cycle again. After doing this a few times, most people, again myself included, come to the conclusion that expenses need to be cut and/or a new or additional job must be found in order for this not to happen again. Inevitably, the scenario gets recreated again, only on a bigger scale. After having this be a constant and repetitive pattern throughout my life, I have been putting myself in touch with what security is to me, over the past couple years, and have been working through these feelings of anxiousness and insecurity.
Recently, I was turned onto a book, "Unplugging the Patriarchy," by Lucia Rene. What a powerful book! It has dismantled me to the core of what I believe and more importantly, what I thought I knew! Some of the information presented in this book were things I already knew intellectually. But now I know them on a much deeper emotional and cellular level. This book not only made me realize that my security is plugged into the money system, but that even in the past it was plugged into religion and the government/military. I have been challenged to not identify my sense of security with money! Right now, with the way the economy is going all over the world, we, as a global people, are being challenged with exactly that! In this situation our tendency is to do whatever it takes to prop up the money system, or what we so closely identify as propping up our sense of security. As we've seen and are about to see, this "propping up" is very temporary. Our thoughts are, what will happen to us if the entire global economy collapses? How will we survive? This cuts to the core of our beliefs about our security being so identified with money. This is our challenge...to find the real source of our security.
It appears that we have done exactly what the God of the Old Testament told us not to do..."You shall have no gods before me." We have made money our god and our sense of security.
I have recently gotten back into a Sun meditation, that I had started about a year ago and had quit doing for whatever reason. But I do it a bit differently now. As I sit and breathe facing the Sun, I imagine the Sun's energy from its core moving in and out of me with each breath. I do the same with the Earth and then combine both energies to my heart. In the last two weeks, there have been two occasions that I have had profound experiences where Father Sun and Mother Earth spoke to me. On the first occasion, I felt the divine holding of the Mother like a mother holding her child, saying things like, "You are safe with me," and "I am your security," and, "No fear, only love." I was wrapped and held in a Love blanket like I have never felt before! I was like a child in tears. Words cannot describe the depth of this feeling.
My next profound experience came after I had a discussion with my wife about money, or lack thereof. So my emotions were a bit raw going into the meditation. During the meditation I was asked by the masculine voice of Father Sun to stand with my arms outstretched. Then he asked me to turn around and face my back toward him. After feeling the warmth of the Sun on my back, he said, "I got your back." It is probably one of the key phrases that every male wants to hear from his father. I was again brought to tears and I knew in that moment that the Sun and the Earth are the source of ALL. Then I thought...nothing would be here without the Sun and the Earth, including me. I've realized through these experiences that I can connect with that divine security through God's creations of the Sun and the Earth. I feel like I've been re-energized with a new sense of purpose and confidence. And I'm excited to see how all of this is going to play out! Stay tuned!
I'm all ears! Thanks for sharing your process. We are always supported by our Mother the Earth and Father Sky always puts a roof over our heads. What a great adventure this life is.
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